Jenny Hval — Sabbath

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Текст Jenny Hval — Sabbath

I’m six or seven and dreaming that I’m a boy.
I emerged out of the water and went into the garden with a small silver hand between my thighs
Later, in the shower, I see a boy naked.

He is contagious, and I can feel mine.
I was told not to stare then, but my eyes have never been larger, in and out of my body, my stare kept growing
I guess that’s what’s called flesh memory.

Oh, how I wanted to tell him that we had switched places!
In my dream I’d had him on me, but I didn’t that day when I told her the dog was a wolf and the rock was a cliff, and you’re a horse!
I said, if the dog was a wolf and I a boy she could be a horse, sure

thing, she had no excuse
And we were running then, horse and wolf and girl, braces on her teeth like a bridle, a bride, a bridle.
I felt tight against supple, cool against hot, wires and skin.

I’ve always been like this
Somedays I feel like my body is straightened, held up by thin braces, metal spires embrace my spine, my face, my cunt.
I can feel myself from above, but I can’t see who’s holding them.

It would be easy to think about submission, but I don’t think it’s about submission, it’s about holding and being held.
We ran willingly, horse-like, girl-like, boy-like.
Her voice neighing in the back of her throat, and when I came closer

we collided and kissed in the passing, on the mouth, like horses do.
I said, her thin lips over enamel and steel.
I felt the outline of her braces against my own, little silver arms reaching for each other