Jamila Woods, Nitty Scott — SONIA

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Текст Jamila Woods, Nitty Scott — SONIA

Once upon a time little girl on the grind
Met a boy he was nice at the time
Weeks from the days, plans they were made
Soon you could call them an item
Funny how a title makes them think they own you

Tellin’ you how to dress and who to talk to
Fella please don’t nobody ask you
My great great granny was born a slave
She found liberation before the grave
Who you tellin’ how to behave?
Oh I’m trying to forgive but can’t forget…

It was bad
It was bad
It was bad
It was bad

It was the crying that was bad
It was the lying that was bad
It was the blaming that was bad
The self-hating that was bad

It was the waiting that was bad
It was the doubting that was bad
It was the screaming that was bad
The fear of leaving that was bad

Once upon a time, I believed in lines
Like «I just wasn’t good enough for you»and other lies
Mr. «Didn’t miss the water till the well was dry»

Tried and I tried, compromise, compromise
It was pouring into you while emptying me
It was rationalizing all your toxicity
It was hands around my neck with us on my back
It was pressure, pain, and panic attacks

Had me faded to the wire, putting out my fire
Use to have requirements that turned into desires
Expected to retire me while keeping you inspired
All the women in me are tired
Listen nigga

My abuela ain’t survive several trips around the sun
So I could give it to somebody’s undeserving son
This pussy don’t pop for you, booty don’t bop for you
Never owe none, belong to no one

Now I only trust patterns, not apologies
First date questions: what’s your ideologies?
Do you love yourself? Are you healing your trauma?
What’s your concept of wealth? Do you check on yo mama?

‘Cause your loyalty ain’t slavery, sis
That shit insulting to her bravery sis
I know you tangled but this life is no exchange for your laboring sis
Withhold ya flavors, he unsavory sis, sis

I remember saying no to things that happened anyway
I remember feeling low the mirror took my face away
I couldn’t recognize her, I laid and cried ’til my

Tears washed the kitchen tiles, I swear I couldn’t budge
But then I talked about it ’til momma sister cousin
Told me they went thru it and since it’s in my blood
I knew I could do it cuz if my blood went thru it
I knew I could endure it, I knew that I could heal it
Oh I’m trying to forgive but can’t forget…

It was bad
It was bad
It was bad
It was bad

It was the crying that was bad
It was the lying that was bad
It was the blaming that was bad
The self-hating that was bad

It was the waiting that was bad
It was the doubting that was bad
It was the screaming that was bad
The fear of leaving that was bad