The Rare Occasions — An Actuary Retires

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Nobody came to my retirement party
Nobody cares when you’re on your way out
Inconsequential and oh so replaceable
All along I thought I would’ve left with more than nothing to show

I once was hailed as the prince of invention
I once was cast as a modern Galois
Nobody came to my retirement party
All along I thought I would’ve left with more than nothing to show

I place my things in a cardboard box
Swiftly struck by a swivelling shard of the past
Schoolyard voices swirling around
The other kids: aspiring firemen and ballerinas
Me: walls plastered with equations
Out to prove or disprove the magnetic monopole
Swim far from thought’s shallows
Hold experiments, teach classes
Then someone said:

“There’s no money in that!
Quick wit to pick apart fiction from fact
You’ve got brains, kid, go make some cash!”

With neon dollar-sign eyeballs
Hollowed-out heart, I’m placing bets on life or death
Listless drips seep through the teeming weeks
And I lose respect for myself

Hope is the last of the spirit to falter
Hope is a weight that drags from within
And if I’d known in the end it was worth it
I would’ve followed that hope to begin