Hotel Books — Nothing Was the Same

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Текст Hotel Books — Nothing Was the Same

I chose to believe every word I was fed
And I thought the coals on my back were a product of the lack you left
When you stepped back and racked your brain for a reason to stay
But you could not seem to formulate any such thought in your head

So you left with nothing more than a reason you kept silent
And my mind would riot, stuck in self-perpetuated mental violence and dreams kept private
The amibition to fix this wishlist of selfish, misfit, realist missions
Contained within a vision of wishful thinking and sinking deep into a new bit of misproportioned emotions

Leaking through a seeping truth, constructed by my need to feel important
When you would look back and think of all the little things you regret
I just wanted you think of me when you’d think back to all the things you regret

I spent so much time convincing myself that the rest of this mess that I stressed
Within this relationship was a product of the world’s oppressions
Not my deep desire to be needed
And it’s hard to admit, but I guess I’ve come to terms with the fact that I just want to be needed

And I convinced myself that I needed to be needed
And if that was true, I would still be smiling like you still today, but for different reasons
I chose to dismiss the possible instance that the lips I love to kiss could form the words «goodbye»

And it was a simple lie, but I told it to you, like the captain of a sinking ship
Choosing to believe the bottom of the ocean was a better source of oxygen
It’s so nice and I still chose to believe, I misinterpreted your dialect and everything you said about it

Your diction and diatribe, posture, body language, and connotations all pointing in the same direction
The selection of contingent messages postponed until further notice
Because I was ashamed to admit the problem and pretend your happiness came from me and that your happiness was important

But we aborted the sordid truths we once distorted when I saw the shape of your dress when you wore it
And that was enough until it wasn’t
And that’s when you finally felt supported

So the others courted you and you mentally recorded and endorsed
The force perform, of compliments you received came in
And you felt empowered enough to take your final bow
And find love within the arms of another, instead of this heart of mine

And that’s fine, because I would do the same and I would leave me
Not because I’m useless and not because I’m broken
Not because I’m sad and not because I’m worthless
But because I saw value in your smile and not in your values

And I’m sorry and I love you
And that’s why I can finally sleep at night
Because you are free and you can thrive
And I’m just happy I got to be a part of your life

I’m just happy I got to be a part of the journey that you call your life
And I finally feel fine, ’cause I spent so long trying to change you
Not realizing I was the one who needed to change
I was selfish to assume you loved me more than you loved yourself

Even though I never felt the same
And there’s so many things that my selfishness tried to take away
But you were the one that was the hardest to watch walk away

But thank you for letting me be a part of everything you were building and creating
And finding truth in life and you were relating so much beauty
And I love you and I’m sorry
Thank you for letting me be a part of your journey

Thank you for letting me be me
And thank you for setting me free
And showing me love
Showing me love in its full capacity