Eazy-E — Merry Muthafuckin’ Xmas

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[Intro: Dolemite, Baby, Mother & Eazy-E]
Come on over, honey and give your uncle Dolemite a kiss
*Kissing sounds*
Well, what you want, baby?
Would you tell me a story?
You want me to tell you a story?
Hell yeah, me too!
Yes, honey, I’mma tell you a story about the bad-ass Eazy-E, he was drinking whisky and gin at the age of three. Listen and listen well, he’s a bad motherfu-
Gimmie that god damn book! Here, let me read you this one. Christmas in Compton. It was a silent night, yes, a holy night until Mr. Claus turned into Santa muthafuckin’ Wright

[Carolers]
Deck the hall with boughs of holly
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la!
‘Tis the season to be jolly

Merry Christmas, motherfucker!
*Gunshots*

[Verse 1: Eazy-E]
Merry muthafuckin’ Christmas and a ho ho ho!
While I’m riding that cot under the mistletoe
Now dashing through the snow
In a candy red top 6-4 (hittin’ them switches)
Over the hills I go
Laughing at this ho
Nuts on her chin ring
Making me feel right
Oh what fun it is to know
That I’m gonna get this pussy tonight
So ring them bells, ring them bells
She’s taking it all the way
Oh what fun it is to watch her suck my dick this way, hey
Ring them bells, ring them bells
She’s taking it all the way
Oh, what fun it is to nut while she’s sucking my dick
Okay, stop!
This is the season to get bitten
Compton crime lick and I’m smoking on this shit
[Interlude: Santa]
Ho ho ho, come sit on my face — I mean lap
And tell me what you want for Christmas, ho, ho

[Verse 2: Menajahtwa]
I want a sleigh ride
A Christmas Eve stick of rum
She said I slide down the chimney and I’m gonna cum
A VCR on the set with nothing but porno flicks
Get some Rudolph the red nose reindeer
Getcha that gum like a everlastin’ gobstopper
Give me a hump for his cock will be the party poppa
I dig a ho, crack a dough by the nuts oh
I want to be having a good time fuckin’ in the snow
I made him drop to his knees
Yeah you know what’s up
I said here’s some candy canes eat’em up
I send him down, they jumping down, swinging by my toes
Send me some cheese, I want the candy cream and the loot
I want Santa to send me a little jack horny guy
I want him to shake me ??
So all on the hunt, bon appetite
And a condom in a tree

[Bridge: Eazy-E]
All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth
My two front teeth, my two front teeth
All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth
Yo wheres ya rhyme tell me Buckwheat
[Verse 3: Buckwheat]
Buckwheat is a wascal
That’s no Christmas
And all the toys, boys and girls
Fuck ya wishes
I not happy, overjoyed in this motherfucker
No indo under my tree so Santa be a sucker
No shit on the roof, cough up Rudolph’s nuts
When I was young I was the only kid
Who had enough guts to be
Good ole hearing on the East
I’d stay awake just to let America know
That Santa was a fake
I used to believe in Saint Dick when Elvis was alive
But all the fucking bullshit got played when I was five
Years old, just stay young, bold writing
Singing «Silent Night», caroling, reciting
Now all I want for Christmas is my indo wreath
I got my two front teeth
Uncle Eazy be the jeezy and just spread me a leaf
Little kids, don’t cry
When you find out the Santa Claus is just a fucking lie

[Bridge: Eazy-E]
On the third day of Christmas, my homeboys gave to me
Three pounds of indo
Two birds of cocaine
And a A, muthafuckin’ K, bitch
[Hook: Menajahtwa (Bitches) & Eazy-E]
Eazy-E, oh, Eazy-E
Show us how you treat those bitches
I saw mommy fucking Eazy Claus
Close the door, little bitch, I’m getting these draws
I’ma tell my daddy if ya ass don’t stop
I don’t give a fuck, I’m getting Christmas cot
Ho, ho, ho and away I go
Oh Saint Nick’s got a dick like a pole
Well, where’s our shit?
This motherfucker’s cheap
Shut the fuck up, bitches and go back to sleep

[Verse 4: Will 1X]
Yo black, what you want for Christmas?
(Yo black, I want a job)
For my Christmas, all the fucked up people
Want some corn-on-the-cob
A Jew will eat some matzoh ball soup, but a nigga’ll eat some
Chitlins, watermelon, cornbread, and some Froot Loops
Now who’s caroling in my window
Smokin’ up indo
Mechalecha hi, make a high note

[Verse 5: apl.de.ap]
Get out my fucking yard with your camel
You wanna get busy and Santa like a..
I am a rhymer
The Atban Klann will make shit slam, it’s Christmas time
The Simple Simon Christmas make me jam, jam, jam

[Verse 6: Will1X]
Yo black, what you want for Christmas?
Yo black, I want some cash
So I can buy some indo, chronic and some hash

[Verse 7: Atban Klann (Will1X & apl.de.ap)]
Yo, here comes the Atban Klann rough and rugged
A rump pa bum bum
A rump pa bum bum

[Refrain]
Merry muthafuckin’ christmas
Merry muthafuckin’ christmas
Merry muthafuckin’ christmas
And have a fucked up new year
Merry muthafuckin’ christmas
Merry muthafuckin’ christmas
Merry muthafuckin’ christmas
And have a fucked up new year
Merry muthafuckin’ christmas
Merry muthafuckin’ christmas
Merry muthafuckin’ christmas
And have a fucked up new year
Merry muthafuckin’ Christmas
Merry muthafuckin’ Christmas
Merry muthafuckin’ Christmas
And have a fucked up new year
Merry muthafuckin’ Christmas
Merry muthafuckin’ Christmas
Merry muthafuckin’ Christmas
And have a fucked up new year

[Outro: Eazy-E & Mother]
You Bitch!
And they all went to prison, and lived fucked up lives ever after. The End